Having a Crisis of Doubt

I have been fighting a HUGE cloud of doubt today.  Maybe it's the weather.  Maybe it's the Deceiver trying to whisper into my ear.  MAN, it's been rough!  All the what if's are rolling through my head on one of those scrolling screens. 
What if we don't get the new house? 
What if your house doesn't sell?
What if China doesn't issue TA and you have to wait to move? 
What if she breaks really easily? 
What if there's a car wreck? 
What if this isn't obedience, but a silly whim?

See?!  I keep reminding myself that we wouldn't be where we are without God's leading and direction.  BUT!  If you take that away, we look like total fools right now.  (I don't like to look foolish unless I'm trying to and I am really not trying to.)  I look at our bank accounts and what we have to pay to close on the house and what the adoptions projected costs are and see a huge ZERO staring back at me after everything is said and done.  (I don't like zero's with no number in front.)  And at least we seemingly have the money to cover the costs, but what about unexpected expenses?  What if someone gets sick?...

Not only are we pouring out our life to bring Lilly home, we are going to be completely draining our accounts.  It's on days like today when doubt is trying to seep in that I really question not applying for grants.  But, we felt God clearly put a check in our spirits about that when we discussed those as an option.  We felt Him tell us He would provide.  I know that God could easily provide and I really think He is testing our faith in this.  It's hard to have faith on days filled with doubt though.  We did apply and are getting the State of Texas $1500 grant for special needs adoption, but that is the only one we felt was okay.  That grant combined with cashing out an insurance policy, $1400, closing a retirement account, $1500, and the local Lion's club helping with E's hearing aids, $1800, are what's happened so far in the ways of provision.  But $6200 in a $24,000-$28,000 bucket really feels like just a drop today.  We know we will have medical testing costs when we get home.  We are not taking the boys with us because the costs for them and an extra adult (we would need the extra help) comes to another $17,000.  Am I putting God in a box by thinking He can't provide that?  I just don't know, at least not today.

Lord, you are the Creator of Lilly's life, the author of her story, the maker of all mankind, the earth and everything therein.  Please help me to have faith Lord.  Faith in your provision.  Faith that we are doing your will.  Faith that our little Lillyanna Faith Chunli will come home in your timing.  Amen.