BOO YOW

We have completed our first 24 hours without some sort of tantrum.  YAHOOOOO!!!!!!!!  Our first day with Lilly she screamed her little heart out when the orphanage staff left and then teared up at bed time .  No big deal, to be expected.  Since day 2, we've been having at least one tantrum or crying episode a day.  From she wants to be carried and how dare you set her down to change sides;  to she doesn't want to go to bed; or an I want THAT toy.  Other than some occasional little whining over small things today we finally have a break though! 

The pronunciation is "boo yow", it means "no, don't do it".  The pinyin is not spelled this way and don't even ask about the Chinese characters! :)  It is a life saver.  I think she may have been catered to at the orphanage and is used to getting what she wants, when she wants it, how she wants it.  Sorry, this mama doesn't work that way.  I love you, but I have five other kids to love too. 

We had planned on going to the orphanage.  Even when we found out it was going to cost nearly $300 US we still planned on going to the orphanage.  But the tantrums became more, and more and finally we basically had a throw down in the middle of a sidewalk between a restaurant and the hotel. ~ I was carrying Lilly, but Daddy picked up Elizabeth, THEN he put her on his shoulders.  Well when I said, "No" to putting her(Lilly) on my shoulders (I didn't want to risk dropping her while raising her because my shoulder was already achy) and I said "no" to daddy carrying her (he had JUST put E on his shoulders), she LOST IT!  Some Chinese people apparently gathered behind me....  Kicking and screaming we entered the hotel and went up to the room... (let's just say without corporal punishment mama got the point across that we do not behave THAT way) ~ That was Saturday night.  That's when things came to a head.  That's when I questioned what HAVE WE DONE!!!!  That's when we decided we could not go visit the orphanage.  Maybe some day we can come back, but right now our focus is on the here and now and the future, not what happened the last four years and why six fractures or retrieving the album we sent.

I wanted to have the history that we do with Elizabeth.  Have the same.  Show we love both just as much.  But what we have is a little girl who doesn't know that love is sometimes best expressed in saying "no".  A little girl who doesn't know the lasting love of a mommy and daddy.  A little girl who needs to meet The Balm of Gilead.  Our bonding with her has been much more challenging than it was with Elizabeth.  She has her own personality, her own way of doing things and her own likes and dislikes.  She is a doll and usually is very amiable, but when that invisible line is crossed all bets are off.  We also already have videos and so many more pictures than we ever got with Elizabeth.  We have her life in pictures (with Chinese text) up to this point that the orphanage sent with her.  We don't have that for E's first two years.  So no matter how we want to treat them both the same the fact remains that they are different.  We have to show our love to each of them differently and meet them where they are, just as Jesus meets us where we are.  If this means we never see the picture album we sent to her again, maybe someone else can be blessed by the eight layer heart that I made.  God redeems.