Tomorrow

All week long I have been waiting for tomorrow.  We were told last Friday that the top Chinese official has to sign our travel approval and then we'll have it.  We have been told this twice before (weeks ago).  Since it didn't come in the "mail" on Monday.  I hold out hope that it will be in the "mail" tomorrow.  But with no further updates that our paperwork actually has been signed, part of me wonders if it's just wishful hoping.  Wishful hoping, now there's something.  What could be less sure, less comforting than wishful hoping.  And yet it is what I have.  Tonight it is almost all I have.  I sit trying to work more on gathering, scanning, and accounting for adoption receipts for Elizabeth's adoption to appease this "tax examination" process.  Keeping an ever ready ear for J's call of distress after receiving a rather sustainable blow to his temple this evening (by a neighbor child accidentally).  Waiting for Mr. Incredible to show up and shine his armor and somehow redeem himself from a last minute absence from the family tonight.  All while anticipating my MIL coming on Monday, which is all depending on what we hear this week from the adoption agency and China...

Tomorrow holds so many hopes and yet also so many fears.  Am I really prepared to be a mother of six?  I WAS an ONLY child after all!  Can I really handle the demands of OI?  (osteogenesis imperfecta)  Will Shriner's qualify her or will we be swimming in even more medical bills?  I am scared.  Scared of what tomorrow could really hold.  Because it may just be another ordinary Thursday and all my wishful hoping (and praying) will be in vain AGAIN.  Or it could be the day we finally hear we can get our daughter?! 

Our daughter that we've missed the first four and a half years of her life.  Our daughter that breaks easily.  Our daughter that has endured so much heartache without a mommy and daddy that it could take years for her to trust us.  Our daughter that so desperately needs to come home.  Our daughter that even yet holds a piece of my heart, though she might not know it.  Our daughter.  HIS daughter.  HIS precious child.  He knows the end from the beginning.  He holds the keys to hell.  He knows.  He cares.  He holds tomorrow in HIS hands.