Sometimes It's Just Laughable

This morning started at some hour of darkness.  I finally registered the time about 6am and reluctantly pulled myself out of bed at 6:54.  See today is a busy day.  Definitely not unusual around here, however today is just a little more stuffed and having a newborn probably makes it seem more so.  Concurrent appointments in separate towns for different kids (so glad my dad could take M to his).  Two stacked appointments at the pediatrician's.  Two testing times for M today. Newborn pics... get the idea?!

On top of the hecticness, I wake up today with my left eye feeling funny.  Apparently there is a pocket of fluid on my eyeball!  Weird! At least it is not on my iris pupil area and my optomitrist will see my tomorrow.  But, come ON!  Wasn't there enough going on already.

So S did great with her two week check up.  She's gained 10 ounces in 7 days!!! I don't feel so bad that I didn't keep following the pediatrician's advice to continue pumping and add fortifier to the milk. As Mr. Incrdible says, S is a 'real baby' now.

E's 'sick' visit to try to determine the underlying reason for all her illnesses has landed us on topical and oral antibiotics (was really hoping to avoid more of them), we are being referred to an immunologist, and we have a stool sample collection kit (eewww!).  She was diagnosed with a couple things today (hence the antibiotics) and we are testing for more to try to find the underlying reason for all her illnesses.

And lastly I am NOT following my OB nurse's advice to take ibuprofen an hour before I take my Lovenox injection (blood thinner).  (We'll see if I keel over dead today.)  I called expressing concern about an increase in my post partum bleeding and clotting.  Their response- take something else to thin my blood and they can run labs for anemia (of course my OB is on her two week cruise! and this is another doc consulting).  Well weeks before delivery I was borderline anemic and started iron.  After delivery my hemoglobin was low and they just wanted me to continue taking iron instead of getting a transfusion. And now two weeks later I express concern over pp bleeding/clotting and the solution is to take more of my blood!!?! Sorry, I am hanging on to whatever I can and I am not going to thin it anymore than it already is.

It is days like today that remind me to not take life too seriously, not to think that I can't handle something else (because something else will always pop up), and to enjoy what God has blessed me with.  Troubles come, occassionally aplenty, and on days like today I just have to laugh! :-)

News About Our Newest Addition

To celebrate our daughter's impending arrival, I came up with this little diddy.


http://youtu.be/o6AIWlYRhiI

Selah Marie Hope was born at 12:49pm weighing in at 5lbs 2oz and 18 inches long, not bad for 34 weeks 2 days gestational age.
I was able to kangaroo hold her about 11 hours after her birth-awesome!!! I am doing well and last I knew she was on room air with no support from the nasal cannula. We might get to attempt a feed this am.

Bed Rest At Home

Well, I made it home, but I am on bed rest and uh, I almost wish I wasn't home...
There I said it.  A home with six kids in it is not restful.  I somehow keep finding a way to hack off Mr. Incredible.  The house is a wreck.  I have to set alarms to take meds every four hours, and remember my morning meds and my night meds (both involving an injection now) as well.  There is no reclining bed.  The bathroom is further away.  And the house (and my room) really are a pig sty.

When we found out we were expecting and I didn't have a miscarraige, the reality of our limited accomodations for baby hit me hard.  We had already talked about some home remodel, but even though we have tried to pursue this, it still hasn't happened yet.  The only 'unoccupied' room left in the house is the study off the living/dining room.  At the time it was full of books, three book shelves, craft stuff, a desk and a piano, but at least not a person.  Well the piano now resides in the living room, we had to get rid of the love seat to fit it, so our seating is now one sofa, the piano bench and dining room chairs.  The desk is in the big boys room.  The bookshelves came to my room and now comprise a 'fake' wall.  They are of course laden with books.  The craft stuff is in my room with a little of it in my closet (but since we downsized from a huge walk in hall closet at our old house my closet was already filled with items from our former hall closet) leaving little room for the craft stuff that wasn't already in it.  So though the baby's room is neat, my room has piles of craft items, books and other homeless items that desparately need to find homes so that the cradle will fit in here.  Though I worked on it one day, my time was limited and my progress unimpressive against the enormity of the task.

And am I able to remedy any of this?!  Nope.  My uterus does seem to be less irritable with being home, but I still do have the occassional bigger contraction reminding me that it's only bed or bath, no beyond.  Even sitting outside yesterday with my feet propped raised Mr. Incredible's eyebrows and ire.  Of course he knows I will push myself, but I really wasn't.  And cutting Mr. T's hair while reclining outside really wasn't pushing my limits.  And the fact that I was sitting supervising the spot removal on the carpet in the living room really was benign.  Now I understand some irritation when I started aiding with the spot removal, but come on- I was sitting!  Yes, now you know my transgressions.  Without standing or exerting hardly anything I cut one child's hair and scrubbed a few spots.  (all might I add without contractions)  But my room cannot be cleaned while sitting and there in lies my irritation.  This is just going to have to be another one of those things that I have to let go.  Grrr.  Sometimes I really do hate letting go.

I did get to enjoy Z-man's birthday with him and for that I will rejoice and set aside my frustration with my circumstances.  He hugged me several times yesterday and said how glad he was that I was home for his birthday.  Priceless.  And hopefully me passing out for part of movie we rented for his birthday because of my 8 o'clock meds will just further endear me to him.

So here I am.  At home.  On bed rest.  Surrounded by chaos.  Waiting for what the doctor will say in the morning.

Note: Lollipop did break her arm Thursday night.  It is now in a long arm cast.  She went 15 weeks 3 days between breaks this time.

The 'What If' Minefield

My devotional today was a reminder that I cannot serve two masters.  I usually think of God and Money when I think of serving two masters because of Matthew 6:24.  But it is just as easy to substitute Schedules, Activities, Me Time or for me, 'What If's', for Money instead.

This week has not been the week that I planned, though I'm not sure that I remember a week that ever was.  However, as I lay in a hospital bed trying to stay pregnant for a few more days it is hard to deal with life passing me by.  And it is doing that.  I am not the one tucking my children into their beds, wiping their noses or encouraging their creativity.  I was not at Lollipop's infusion yesterday, though she visited me since we were in the same hospital.  I am the last one to find out that Lollipop hurt her arm last night and they are going to try to get into the orthopedic doc for x-rays this morning.

There is NOTHING that I can do to help my husband or parents.  This does not bode well with me.  I don't want to be a further drain on Mr. Incredible.  I don't want my parents going to early graves because they were taking care of six children when they shouldn't have been.  My mind reels with 'What If's'.  If the doctor hadn't checked me on Monday, would I have ended up in the hospital with contractions on Tuesday?  If I had been home could I have prevented Lollipop from hurting her arm?  What if Little Mama is really sick?

And that's just this morning!

What If's can consume my thoughts and it's not just because I now have time to think.  I have to think of eventualities, think through circumstances in order to help our family navigate (especially M&M and Lollipop) through them, BUT by doing this am I placing my trust in me?

I am the only one who can bake this precious baby longer.  Am I willing to let others come along side and help?  Am I willing to not be superwoman?  Can I lay down the 'What If's' and trust God?

Wednesday morning I was awakened with contractions.  They had stopped, but suddenly they were back and I could only think of  the 'What If's'.  I knew I needed to relax, but it is difficult to relax when you know you are facing a c-section, baby spending days in the hospital and all because your stupid body wouldn't cooperate.  I woke Mr. Incredible and asked him to start reading from the Bible.   Instead of focusing on all that was going wrong, I sought refuge in the promises of His Word.  I found solace, peace and patience in the words of the Psalms.

I may not know why I ended up on bed rest at 33 weeks, but at least it wasn't earlier.  I may not be the one tucking in, wiping or carting to get an x-ray, but God has graciously provided someone that can and I need to trust in Him and rest in His promises. So I will sit, lay, wait and bake baby and praise Him for the opportunity to do so.

The 'What If's' are always going to be there, but how I chose to handle them and let them affect me shows whether I am serving them or the King.