Planning and Failing

I was reminded today that if you fail to plan, you're planning to fail.  Planning has a place, but do we ever stop God's blessing because it doesn't fit into our plan?

There's this family that I know that wanted to have another child, they planned the exact month that they wanted to conceive (and did), but when the baby miscarried instead of ever trying again, they stopped.  I know the pain of miscarriage, so when I heard this my heart broke.  A baby unless born at X time just didn't fit into their life.  Too scared or too busy?  If it didn't fit into their plan, they didn't want any.  How many times do I (we) cram God into a box?

I recently overheard some adoption conversation (from people who hadn't adopted).  Though I didn't listen intently I heard several 'reasons' why adoption just wasn't 'right' for them.  If I had had my game on, I could have walked over and said, "God doesn't command you to adopt, but to take care of the orphan and the widow.  So how are doing with that command?"  But I was distracted from a busy week, kids and emotional exhaustion.  Things had not gone according to my plan last week and I was still recovering.  (yes, I am human :-)) Letting God have your schedule is not always easy.  Did I miss a divine appointment or was simply being there with all our kids enough to show that adoption is sometimes not what we planned and is hard, but so worth it.

How much are we planning our lives and expecting God to 'bless' OUR plan and how much are we saying, "It's all yours.  Every breath.  All my time.  All that I have is yours.  Use it to further your kingdom."

So last week I fit in one overnight out of town appointment, gymnastics, our regular 6 weekly medical appointments, speech and OT evals, an ENT visit and one surgery.  Friday the 21st is when we received the phone call that we could see the doctor on Monday the 24th.  Thursday the 27th is when we found out about surgery on the 28th.  If I had held on too tightly to MY schedule, we would have missed seeing a wonderful geneticist (who's also a developmental pediatrician) that treated us with care and like we are people (a novel idea, I know).  We also would be looking at having to wait two weeks for ear tubes for Ms. E, who already had fluid on one ear and had a massive ear infection (still) in the other.

What is God trying to fit into your life?  He might not be calling you to adopt, but is He calling you to pray for an adoptive family?  Or maybe you could help a child right where they are by becoming a Compassion sponsor, is He calling you to give of your finances?  Maybe your time can be your gift and you could visit nursing homes or deliver meals?

God knows us, how much hair we have, each of our needs, what our favorite things are and He WANTS to bless us.  Sometimes those blessings happen when we let go of our plan and say, "Daddy, I am yours, use me."  He is best able to use us when we are weak, because He strengthens us and His strength is revealed to others.  He is best able to use us when we don't know the answer, because He is the answer and His wisdom and glory is then demonstrated.  He is able to use us when we put our plans aside, because He has an eternal plan that will draw people to Him.

So this week are you failing to plan, planning to fail or planning on God?


Zebras 'eating' her hospital bracelets

Protocol

Days into the airfare saga I found out that I didn't follow protocol...  So what's new!?!  Since my days in Kindergarten, I have had a special knack for somehow stepping on someone's toes, saying something that offends or otherwise popping off a smart remark.  Guess I still got it!  I have tried and tried and tried to do better and prayed and begged and pleaded to God to be able to 'do it right'.  However, I have a very direct manner that sometimes helps and sometimes...  ...well it just doesn't help.  Fortunately (or not), I have been able to speak to over 30 Medicaid staffers, 2 doctors offices, 1 caseworker, 1 State Representative's office staffer and 1 Medicaid 'Official' (like the kind in Austin that has a real desk and a last name).  It really doesn't matter if we get the airfare covered at this point, though the official is rooting for us :).  I now know the protocol and know where to find the request form.  I am signed up as a transportation provider (don't ask me to fly the plane though :)).  I have copious notes and ticket numbers.  Lots of first names and a whole lot of people that I otherwise would not have met now know that there's this mom in Texas who has a daughter from China with OI that she WILL fight for.  And I will pray for them, each of them, even if I didn't understand their name, because they are people, people who need God, people who need a savior, people just like you and me.

I am so glad that I have tried.  I now know just how hard the system is.  I am so thankful for private insurance.  I am also blessed to have Mr. Incredible who provides so faithfully.  But more than that I am so abundantly blessed to have a God who knows my every need and every need that Lollipop has and provides for each of those needs.  I am so happy to be HIS and be able to pour out my frustrations (and they are many :)) to my loving Father.

So whether we have Medicaid's blessing or not we will get on a plane tomorrow and go.  Before we leave there are so many things that need to be done.  Pack, make lists of appts., more calls.  The protocol of leaving.  And attend a training tomorrow.  Never ending.  Maybe I might get it right?!?  But odds are there will be some phone call with last minute instructions or a forgotten toothbrush...  I am so thankful that God loves me despite my shortcomings.  He has a plan.  He will see us through.  Though our future looks uncertain, HE reigns.

Locking It Up

We tried to go without our little blue pill today, been GF, only one piece of candy on Saturday, that only lasted until 9:30 this morning.  He couldn't do ANY math.  Couldn't sit still.  Couldn't make eye contact.  Wouldn't cooperate.  The list goes on.  Oh what I didn't know!

I would love for him to not need his little blue pill.  We wouldn't be forcing breakfast, eating a little lunch and then becoming famished.  His moods would be consistent, not variable as the medicine wears off.  The amount of sleep he needs has been affected since the dosage increase.  That is to say, he doesn't sleep very much.  He's up until 9 or 10pm easy and is out of bed by 6am.  Everyday.  We would go back to the yellow pill, but it wasn't helping him to be able to concentrate enough to do school...

I thought I was just a failure as a parent.  That maybe I wasn't being consistent enough.  Loved him enough.  Brushed him enough (special brushing technique).  I resigned myself to maybe daily medication was what it is going to take for him to live and experience any measure of success.

While making dinner, we (me and another child) discovered that in the course of two days he's eaten three cookies (at least) there were only nine in the package and an undisclosed amount of M&M's. ~head shaking~
Today is a repeat of so many other days.  Too many to count.

We have tried to teach self control.  We have tried to communicate the need to ask.  We have hid the sweets.  We have not bought sweets.  We have tried, tried, tried...

Mr. Incredible is currently at the store buying a locking door knob for our pantry.  I want a keypad one, but they are over $120.  So we will get just a regular one and I will have to wear the key on one of those stretchy things on my arm like you see a manager at a store have...

I don't even ask God "Why?" anymore.  This wonderful, thought provoking, irrational behaving, blessing of boy that God brought into our family continuously gives me opportunities for growth, humility, gaining of wisdom, migraines, the chance to be less self centered and now to be a little more like a prison warden.  One day, the light will come on for self control, until then I guess we'll keep the food locked up.

Paperwork Time

I have spent the afternoon making copies of all of Little Mama's and Lolipop's paperwork.  Tomorrow afternoon I am going to our (old) county's district clerk's office to file for their adoptions to be recognized by US courts.  I have been waiting months for our lawyer to call us back and our friend that is a lawyer wasn't exactly sure how to do foreign adoptions... but, thankfully a travel mate sent out a link for the state of Texas!!!  YEAH!!!  I have been putting it off for a few weeks, but with the recent wildfires nearby and being out of town when they were the closest, I realized that the only proof that they were ours was in a house that could get burnt. Not good.  Since we have never received Lollipop's SS card, I am going (time permitting) to apply for that too!  :)

Prayers would be appreciated since I have tried this once before with just Little Mama's paperwork, but didn't have the information or forms (very official looking, that I just printed from the state website! :)) and was told to contact a lawyer... So if your from the state of Texas and don't want to pay lawyer fees on top of filing fees, visit here for the forms you need.  I'll let you know how it goes!

Answers

This last week has been filled with so much. A trip to D, our science co-op, rehearsals, scheduling and then the normal part of life as well.

The trip to D this week makes two in two weeks and unfortunately each time while I was gone, a chicken died. Who would have thought that the person that gets lashed out at the most by a certain child, would also be the person most greatly missed by the same certain child. The chicken incidents are symptomatic of the anger and fear that ANY change causes. Hopefully more healing will occur in this area before I have to head to D again.  Hopefully.  Praying.

We also now have an official diagnosis for Lolipop. On the day that marked her 4 monthiversary with us we found out that she indeed has Osteogenesis Imperfecta. We knew she had this, but getting a US doctor/specialist willing to diagnose it and treat it has been another battle. A four month battle. In the coming weeks we will be seeing an endocrinologist about bisphosonate treatments. We also have to go back to have her cast off. :) Come to find out her right fibula was fractured, again. This makes three fractures in the four months she's been with us and somewhere around 13 in her life (that we know about). It may sound like we are bad parents, but we have no idea of when this fracture happened. However, this is common with OI and one of the symptoms of OI.

Here's some excerpts from some of the literature we have. "OI is initially diagnosed because of fractures that occur with little or no trauma or injury." "There is no cure for OI. The main goal of treatment is to limit the frequency of fractures and encourage mobility and independence."

On the way home, after hearing her diagnosis, I was overcome with emotion (while driving!  Why is it always great revelations happen when driving?!  lol!).  We finally know what the monster in the closet is.  We finally know how to proceed and we are not still searching for answers.  Though we have identified the monster and know a direction, it still doesn't soothe a mother's heart for not wanting her child to hurt and wanting to make the owies go away.  

I have comfort in that God brought Lolipop into our family.  He sees the end from the beginning and knows all and sees all.  He sees her pain and wants to comfort her, even more than I do.  In all of this, God has a plan.  But, at least now we have some answers.

Adoption Saves Money!

If you know me, you know I love to save money. 
Anyway, I ran across this interesting article by the President of Christian Alliance for Orphans on how adopting a child out of the foster care system (even a subsidized adoption) SAVES MONEY!  Now it's the government who's saving the money, but we all know how they need to :)  Enjoy! 

We have Pre Approval!

We got awesome news last night. We got our pre-approval!!!! That news came a week after our LOI (letter of intent) finally got submitted. Once we get back from vacation we will finish up our homestudy and fill out the form for immigration approval. Hopefully we can get all sent to USCIS maybe by the 10th or before and get fingerprints maybe before Thanksgiving.
God kept me up last night and I hope to share with you this afternoon. Gonna do some more family fun first though!

Two Worlds Collide- a sister for Elizabeth

When Mr. Incredible and I started praying about adopting again, I had plan. I wanted a little black baby girl. (notice there isn't much room for GOD in I) Mr. Incredible wasn't sure about the timing - seemed too soon- but admitted that the whole process does take a while and so we started praying for the Lord's will to be done...

If you had asked me back back in August when I posted here , what God was going to do I would have said I thought I knew a direction. Little did I know! LOL! If God had revealed where we are now then, I would have RUN SCREAMING and NOT have posted. Funny how God works!? He only gives us what we can handle, then He stretches us and we can handle a little more, followed by more stretching... If HE had showed me the whole thing, I would have said it wasn't HIM. But now I can see how HE is WORKING. He has a plan. I have to trust.

Our world has collided with God's plan and we will never be the same. God is moving in our lives and giving us favor with foreign governments and we are now going to be adopting a little three year old girl with Osteogenesis Imperfecta (brittle bones) from China. Yes, we know she breaks easy. Yes, we know we already have five kids. Yes, we know it sounds TOTALLY INSANE. And yes, it is God's leading! Not what we imagined, thought of or even considered, but when God moves HE MOVES.

I was not going to ever use our adoption agency from Elizabeth adoption again and they knew it, but our name kept coming up and other families kept saying "no" to this little girl and so they contacted us. They contacted us the last day that Mr. Incredible was in Indonesia. A few days prior he had been in the Chinese city where this little girl lives. God had laid on my heart that his business trip would change our lives, I could only think of negative, VERY negative, ways "our lives would be changed". So when that email slipped in the inbox hours before Mr. Incredible was to end his business trip, I just had to wonder. It also turns out that she went on the waiting child list within hours of Mr. Incredible and I coming into agreement that God wanted us to look at adopting again. (remember that post?) Within hours of THAT!!!

This last Friday we submitted formal application to the adoption agency not knowing what China would say about the dossier, had an inkling but nothing official. At the end of the application was the "submit" button. Before I sent it off I called Mr. Incredible at work and we had one of those just to make sure, really?!, not too late to back out you know, no money spent yet conversations. He asked me what was so hard. Being real I had to say that I knew what this meant, the waiting, the strain, the work, the financial and emotional cost and I just didn't want to do it,... but I knew that God was leading us here. Interestingly, I had to click "submit" to complete the application, not "finish" or "done". I wasn't just clicking a button to finish an application, that click of the mouse was the difference between obedience and my way. Clicking that button indicated my/our submission to God's will for our family no mattered how it differed from MY plans. Never would I have imagined a simple task to cause such a pause, yet I KNEW that if I didn't obey, God could not be glorified.

The reward for obedience?! I can finally get excited(!!!!!), TODAY the Chinese government officials gave the go ahead to be able to *proceed. (it's amazing what submission does, we've been waiting for a couple of weeks for that approval!) *It also means that we will be able to bring her home a lot sooner- very important medically and emotionally (more on that later). That we can *proceed is such an answer to prayer and such a confirmation that God does truly want her to join our family. Oh, I forgot to mention... our *.

It's strange, we know we are going to adopt her, China knows we are going to adopt her, but apparently we are the first family to do what we are doing and so there is a bit of a hangup on the paperwork and until it is officially official we can't post identifying information or pictures :(. So bear with us until God straightens this out.

For whatever reason God has chosen us to be the parents of this little precious girl. He has seen her birth, her abandonment, her life, her many broken bones. We haven't (so far). He knows how Mr. Incredible hates needles and can't stand to see his children in pain. God knows my mother's heart and how tough it is to be with the children through their various procedures and surgeries, even if it's for their good... and yet we are going to have to be willing to break her so that she can be healed.

Well that's our news. Our world is colliding. Our family expanding. To God be the glory!

*as of 10/21/10 we received news that what we had previously shared is now confidential. So in the interest of keeping China and our adoption agency happy, I deleted some information. I am sorry it doesn't read as well now and you are privy to all the cool things that God is doing. But OH MY HE is WORKING!!!!

Forever Family Day

Today marks the 1 year mark of Elizabeth's adoption!
Elizabeth, mommy and daddy are so proud of you and all you do. How far you've come and how your not afraid to try new things, eventually. You are a precious little girl and we love you so much. We are so glad God chose YOU to be a part of our family. We are truly blessed.

The Cost of Adoption

I have heard many people comment on how they want to adopt, but it is so expensive.... Well, we've tallied everything and ...(drum roll)... adopting Elizabeth cost us $1000. With the grants we received, the loan (that has now been repaid in full!) and the US adoption tax credit, our grand total seems fairly minimal to give a child a home that had only known an institution where at age two she was still receiving only bottles. Now the money we have spent on medical testing since she has been home has been substantial, but God again has provided for it.
This is not our first adoption and so though we are not proficient at it we have experienced foster care adoption and now international adoption.
The "real" things that adoption has cost is time (filling out paperwork), energy (a lot of emotions can get involved), effort (you have to make the effort to do the paperwork or to even wait), love (you have to make room in your heart to love even if you are not loved in return) and a willingness to sacrifice more of my time (and sleep) or whatever else is needed so that we can meet the child's needs.
Adoptions can cost from $1000 (domestic foster care) to $40,000 (some international programs). But if God is leading you, He will provide.
I am going to make the comments of this post private so that if you want an excel spreadsheet of all the grants and loans available for adoption that Mr. Incredible compiled you can send me your email and I will send it as an attachment. I have been unable to figure out how I can post it as of yet.

Ministry Video

Here's the launch video for our church's new orphan care ministry, Legacy. Some of the faces might look familiar. I put it together from people I know, most go to FBC, that submitted photos of adopted kids, adopted children who are now grown and foster children.
Enjoy!